It occurred to me in the shower this morning, (I do all of my deep thinking in the shower for some reason!) that I have not really used this blog for all that I intended. I have not shared some of the moments from our past, but mostly moments as they have happened here in the present time. Because of this profoundly deep thought (har har) I am starting a series called For The Record. In these posts, I hope to chronicle some of our more defining moments from our past. This first one is a letter to my oldest daughter.
My darling daughter,
From the time that I first married your father, I wanted a child. Deep within me, I felt a longing to love and to cherish a little person that was ever so much a part of me. Little did I know just how much the Lord was going to bless me with the desire of my heart when He created you.
The day that I found out that you were growing inside me remains a memory very vivid in my heart. I was working late at the school that day, and I decided that I couldn't wait any longer to find out if my suspicions were true. I took a test and took a peek at it. I didn't really believe for a moment that it could be true, and had a dear friend look at the test too. She told me that I was definitely pregnant. Right there in the middle of the administration office of the school, I fell to my knees and cried and praised God for the tiny miracle that was growing inside of me. The miracle of you.
You see, dear one, we had received news from the doctor just 3 months before that we would never conceive a child naturally because of certain medical issues. And yet, God had a plan. For you. For me. For our family. God must have had a plan for you, because He saw you through a pregnancy that was very difficult...morning sickness, an appendix that had to be removed and put our pregnancy at high risk, bed rest, an extremely long labor. And yet, you arrived. Intact, unscathed, and ready to face the world.
The moment that you were put in my arms, I knew my purpose and place in this world. I had been changed forever with the knowledge that this is what unconditional love was, and what God has for each and every one of us is even bigger. This in itself was mind blowing to me.
I now sit watching you as you are now six years old, and am totally in awe at what God has presented me with and what you have become in just these six short years. I love everything about you....Your braininess for starters, you could read Dick and Jane when you were 3! Your artistic abilities, the way you can put everything that your mind is thinking and feeling on paper with crayons. Is there not even one door in our house that you have not covered with your creations? I also love your complete lack of grace in dancing and sports, and the scar on your arm from breaking your arm in dance class to prove it. I love your determination to figure things out, like the way you continued to dance and broke your arm again. I adore your compassion for others, like the way you picked up every single piece of candy at the parade in town yesterday, and made sure that all of the people around you had a bunch. I love how you donated your flowing blonde hair to a child with cancer, telling me that you hoped that he/or she really liked blonde hair because that is all you had to give. I love it when you're timid and shy, and I love it when you get into your comfortable place and become very outspoken. I love your sense of justice and injustice and your search to make all things right in this world. I just adore every single fiber of your being and I praise God for what He has made you to be.
So, my dear child, I pray that you continue in this world to be that light that shines in the darkness. You have certainly brightened up my own little corner. I am honored to be your mama, to help you as you traverse in this road of life. May you find your way easily, but not without struggle, because it is those struggles that make us strong. Let God lead your way as He has done these 6 years and you will go places. I am proud of you.
I love you.