Tuesday, February 1, 2011

A little heart felt words on military transfers......

A fellow Coastie Wife posted this a few days ago, and I felt the need to share it, (with her permission of course!)   And to share it early, because every word of it rings true in how I feel around transfer season.  I'm giving you advance notice here, and cutting you all a break.  Please read, and listen with your heart, because this is what most military wives go through every single time we move.

"It is hard being the wife of a military man. You don't get the luxury of a stable life style, you don't get to go for coffee with your best friend (who is usually NOT next door or even the same state!), you don't get to plan vacations without checking the boat/flight/duty schedule. You get orders every 2/3/4 years and you pack up everything you own and move to a new place, where you generally don't know anyone.
Lately I have been called things like "selfish", "mean", "throwing it in our face". Well here is OUR side of it....we don't have time to wallow in the missing you category. We are to busy making everything good for our family and planning the move. We have to be the cheerleader, we have to stay positive and we can not show one ounce of sadness, because when we do it effects the whole family. Yes we are going to miss the friends we made here, that should be a given. Yes we are sad to leave on some levels. But again we can't show that to the children who are already upset they are moving, to the spouse who knows he is going to a more demanding job and will likely spend the first 6 months not home much while they get qualified for the new job. So we smile and we cheer. We make everything sound like roses and rainbows, how much fun we are going to have, how much we are going to enjoy this new adventure.

So as a friend, if you really are one, please do not act like we are abandoning you. You are losing one friend, we are losing all of you. You get to stay here and go on, we get to pack everything up and move on. So please understand the stress we are under, support us (even when we get pissy and snappy) and above all else just be there when we need a shoulder to lean on. Because you as the friend whom we have supported the last few years should understand that it is our turn. Because honestly we don't have time for your negativity and we can not emotionally be there to help you through this.
I love this lifestyle...been doing it since the day I was married. I love the adventure, I love the newness. But don't let that fool you into thinking we love this part of it. It is what it is....now back to my cheering, because that is MY job in all this. "

It also never fails, every single time we get new orders we hear things like "Oh, you are going to hate ___ about that place."  or "I've heard that that place is awful because of ______."  "Why would you pick to go there?"  Trust me, my husband and I have very little to do with where the Coast Guard chooses to send us.  If I had my way, I'd stay in one place forever!  But what bothers me the most of all, are people that make judgment calls about a certain state or region of the country, having never ever lived or breathed the air in that location.  Please, don't do this. 

I have found that with every single place we have relocated to, I fall in love with it.  If you hear from me from another part of the country, don't expect me to tell you about how horrible it is where I am because you think I'm supposed to be having the time of my life where you are.  This is the life that I have chosen, and I love it. I'm up for the adventure.

1 comment:

Jensamom23 said...

I thank you and your family from the bottom of my heart for what you do. Continued Blessings.