We interrupt this blog to bring you....

......an announcement from The Middle Apple.

Go ahead, you have the mic.

Hello?!?!?!? Is this thing working?!?!?!? Good. Because I don't want anyone to miss this.

Okay....so I learned how to do this really neat thing today. And I want you all to see it.

Today I sat down and did this to my shoes.

Then, I made a loop. Then I wrapped it around.

Finally, I pulled the string though the hole. And pulled.

Are you proud of me? I am. Okay, Mama, you can have your blog back now.

Why thank you, darlin'. I am very proud of what you learned to do today. Now you are in charge of teaching the Little Baby Apple to tie her's, okay? Love you!

Not Me Monday...evening edition....

It's the Monday Bloggey Carnival, hosted by MckMama! Weekly, we confess our shortcomings, shrouded by "Not Me". There is NO WAY I did any of these things this week.

This week, I was certainly not complimented on my grandchildren while waiting at the deli at the Walmart. And I was not the least bit offended as I explained to her that my 3 CHILDREN are a blessing to me...at the age of 33. I certainly did not run home and cry on my husband's shoulder for almost an hour after that.

I most certainly DID NOT wake an hour earlier the next day and take special precautions so that I would not be called a grandmother again...I didn't shower, shave my legs, apply a bunch of make-up (including lipstick!) and a set of nice brightly colored clothing just for a playdate at McDonalds.

My feelings were not a little bit hurt when 23 invitations went out at my daughter's school last week for her birthday party, and only 2 from her class showed up. No, I let that just roll off my back...BUT, I wasn't secretly relieved that the party was low key and easy.

I was so prepared for this party. I most certainly remembered everything that I needed that day....I would never forget to pack matches to light the birthday candle, nor would I even think of forgetting something to cut the cake with. Nope! Not me!

I certainly DID NOT lose my 5 year old for 10 minutes at the same birthday party. She didn't run off and get lost while we were searching for something to light the candle with. And she certainly WAS NOT found about a quarter mile away ankle deep in the lake. No, I claim to be a perfect parent that can keep track of all of her kids all the time.

Finally, I most certainly DID NOT get so frustrated with my baby blowing baby food all over me today, that I did not just roll her high chair right out of the kitchen, into the hallway and put her in the time out corner. And I certainly DID NOT laugh with my other children so hard that DID NOT dribble in my undies with tears running down my face.

So, tell me about your week? What have you Not Done? Want to read more hilarious people and their Not Me posts? Head on over to MckMama's Blog, and enjoy!

"I want a new mother. "

An actual conversation and situation that occurred in my home yesterday.

The Middle Apple looks up at me from her school desk and asks, "Can I have a cookie?"

"Not until you have finished your math page, honey." I replied.

Middle Apple, putting her head down on her desk with a pout, says, "I want a new mother. One that will give me cookies."

I quietly crossed the room, open up the front door and say to her, "Okay. Well, I love you. I hope you find a really nice new mother."

The Middle Apple drops her pencil, puts on her shoes and heads out the front door. I wave at her and blow her a kiss. I close the glass storm door and stand there watching her. She waves back and heads down the sidewalk. I watch her closely.

Exactly 2 minutes later, she returns with her head down low. She knocks on the door. I open it slowly and say, "Back so soon?"

She looks up at me with an angry look on her face and states very matter-of-factly, "I am not allowed to cross the street by myself."

I have a very very hard time keeping a straight face. The Middle Apple flings off her shoes and plops back down to her schoolwork.

"So, you aren't going to go find a new mother, huh?"

"No. I'm not. "

"Okay. That's good. Because I sure would miss you. Alot," I tell her honestly.

"Can I have a cookie now?"The Middle Apple asks.

"Just as soon as you finish your math page, honey."

"Fine." she says, with a slump.

Ant Invasion....

Last August, when I was ordering The Middle Apple's homeschool curriculum, I was dismayed that the package came with an Ant Farm. I could have opted out, but realized that if I went ahead and ordered the package deal, WITH the ant farm, I was saving money. So I went ahead and ordered it..knowing in my heart the ant farm would NEVER be set up in my home.

For my first 2 summers in NC, I raged a war against the ants. They would enter our home, snack on cookies and crackers and dinner snackage that my kids dropped on the floor (Hey, they were 2 and 3 years old!) I would put out ant traps and spread Terro in the corners to keep them at bay. To no avail. The 3rd summer, I won the battle. We hired a guy to treat the perimeter of our house for termites. I never saw another ant in the house again after that day....and peace reigned in our lives. Best $1000 dollars I ever spent in my life.

While unpacking boxes after the move to LA, I came across the ant farm. I quickly shoved it back into the box, but I was not quick enough. The Middle spotted it and asked about it. I told her about it...trying in vain to make it sound boring...disgusting even, but she sounded like having ants for pets was the most excitement that we have had since we got here. So I ordered the ants with a heavy heart.

Last weekend, the ants arrived by mail. With much fear and trembling, I refrigerated the little beasts so that they would be sleeping long enough for me to put them in the antfarm. The heat from my hands woke those little buggers up quickly so I had to move fast to keep from being bit. Totally gave me the heebie jeebies.

But now that we have been studying them for a few days, they are actually pretty darn interesting. While not as exciting as watching an episode of LOST, I have spent quite a bit of time watching the little ants hard at work building their tunnel. So have the kidlets....just staring at them for hours! So I have been scurrying around like a little ant coming up with projects to go along with our study on ants. Stephenie suggested we do a little experiment. We set out a plate of food (OH MY GOSH! I FED ANTS! WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME!!!!) outside next to an anthill and see what types of foods ants would prefer. We made out predictions. I thought the ants would prefer the sticky sweet honey, the girls voted for the candy and the applesauce.

We were all surprised that the ants decided that their favorite food was the food that was portable and easy to take back to the nest. They went for the crackers the most, and used teamwork to haul large hunks of crackers back to the nest. So cool! We couldn't figure out why they liked the peanutbutter so much...maybe they just liked the smell?

We have learned quite a bit since the little creepy crawly critters arrived. I am glad that I invited them. But I assure you, these little ants will not be overstaying their welcome at our house.