Single moms and wives of the deployed military have my utmost respect. I just don't know how anyone can possible raise a family all alone...precisely why God intended for couples to tie the knot before bringing children into the world. It's an exhausting task! Oy!
This week, it seemed like if anything could go wrong, it did. First of all, the AC is on the fritz again...this time, I think it's the thermostat. It's supposed to be a manly task to replace those things, right? Guess not. I will be replacing it myself, if I can figure out how to read the directions that are printed in Spanish, German, or French. Then, the girl I had lined up to watch the girls while I mowed the lawn, conveniently decided not to return any of my calls. Grrrr...I bet she calls back when she needs some money in her pocket! So I left the baby in the swing, turned the webcam on , and had my mom watch her long distance from Florida. She was instructed to call me on the cellphone tucked neatly into my sports bra the instant the baby woke. Our little plan worked, but note to self: Come up with a different plan!
Then, the baby got a nasty scaly rash on her neck...a doctor visit later (which I wish hubby was around for!) she has a cream to be applied. Okay. To me, a rash gives me the heebie jeebies and take me over the edge. I hate them. They make me feel like washing everything and everyone in hot soapy water. So to top it all off, a few days later, the oldest child get a completely different kind of rash. It looks nothing like the baby's...this one has to be fungal. I am boiling bedsheets and making her wear gloves. No, not really, but I am using that coveted Temperature Boost button located on my washing machine, and not allowing her to touch the baby. She is going into the Doctor's office first thing tomorrow.
The lesson this week that I learned? Pastor Steve was talking about independence this week, and what that really means. Freedom means to be totally reliant on God...to depend on Him to raise my family, to depend on Him in times of trouble, and to depend on Him to supply all my needs. Flashing back to that picture last week of my husband driving away, the other half of that image fell neatly into place today. As he was driving south towards Louisiana, we were turning our vanload towards the church....toward God. Of course. And that is EXACTLY what God is asking of me during this time. To be totally reliant on HIM, to help me raise my family, to help me through this time of trouble, and to rely on Him alone to supply my needs. This is a lesson I should have learned long ago, but apparently I need another crack on the noggin to get it right. I pray that I get it right this time, because Lord knows, this time of stretching and learning and being independent (yet totally dependent at the same time!) is leaving my very tired at the end of the day.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Goin at it alone...
I suppose I should talk a little bit about my husband's departure, now that I am done crying about it. Actually, I am not done crying about it, but am willing to accept the situation for what it is. And to learn.
My husband left on Sunday morning, shortly before the girls and I left for church. We decided that this would be the best way to do it so that the girls would have someplace that they enjoyed going, in order to minimize the tears. Our little plan worked out really well, as the little ones cried about 2 tears a piece, and I excused myself to the bathroom to cry my eyes out and then reapply my mascara. The girls had a good time at children's church, and had plenty to keep them busy. I, on the other hand, felt really odd having a totally empty spot next to me on the pew, no one was there to hold open my Bible while I nursed the baby, and no extra set of hands to round up the girls once the service was over.
The sermon was on the woman with the issue of the blood. Yep. A woman that was so desperate for healing that all she had to do was to touch the hem of His garment and she was healed. Although I didn't need any sort of physical healing, I felt moved to go to the alter, find the hem of his garment, and take that step of faith, in desperation, for the sale of our home. I cried out to Him and asked Him what I was to learn from this whole situation, and the image of my husband driving the car down the street flashed in my mind.
He was going ahead of us to prepare a place for us.
I was reminded of the words of Christ in John 14:3
How great is the love of God ( and my husband too!) to leave us here on this earth, to go to heaven to prepare a place for us! I have got to wonder if Jesus had a tear in His eye as he ascended into Heaven that day, as he left His friends and family behind? My husband sure did, as he drove off on Sunday. It must have been extremely difficult. Yeah, I know that Louisiana isn't Heaven, nor is my husband Jesus Christ, but you catch my drift, right?
Without this whole situation, I would never have gotten that beautiful image or lesson of Christ. Yes, LORD. I am willing to accept my circumstance and to learn. But I really do hope that this season for learning is over quickly.
My husband left on Sunday morning, shortly before the girls and I left for church. We decided that this would be the best way to do it so that the girls would have someplace that they enjoyed going, in order to minimize the tears. Our little plan worked out really well, as the little ones cried about 2 tears a piece, and I excused myself to the bathroom to cry my eyes out and then reapply my mascara. The girls had a good time at children's church, and had plenty to keep them busy. I, on the other hand, felt really odd having a totally empty spot next to me on the pew, no one was there to hold open my Bible while I nursed the baby, and no extra set of hands to round up the girls once the service was over.
The sermon was on the woman with the issue of the blood. Yep. A woman that was so desperate for healing that all she had to do was to touch the hem of His garment and she was healed. Although I didn't need any sort of physical healing, I felt moved to go to the alter, find the hem of his garment, and take that step of faith, in desperation, for the sale of our home. I cried out to Him and asked Him what I was to learn from this whole situation, and the image of my husband driving the car down the street flashed in my mind.
He was going ahead of us to prepare a place for us.
I was reminded of the words of Christ in John 14:3
How great is the love of God ( and my husband too!) to leave us here on this earth, to go to heaven to prepare a place for us! I have got to wonder if Jesus had a tear in His eye as he ascended into Heaven that day, as he left His friends and family behind? My husband sure did, as he drove off on Sunday. It must have been extremely difficult. Yeah, I know that Louisiana isn't Heaven, nor is my husband Jesus Christ, but you catch my drift, right?
Without this whole situation, I would never have gotten that beautiful image or lesson of Christ. Yes, LORD. I am willing to accept my circumstance and to learn. But I really do hope that this season for learning is over quickly.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Ranting.....
Allow me to just rant for a moment. I have a love/hate relationship with the military. I loved it just 3 months ago, when I went to the Naval Hospital and gave birth to my third child and received absolutly no bills in the mailbox. I love the military everytime I go to the commissary and stock my pantry and fridge with cheap groceries. And I especially love the miltary when my darling husband flexes his arms (hubba hubba!)
Today, I hate the military. Today, this was posted on my fridge. My husband put it up there for the kids to high five when they need to, or have a special reminder of him, the special Daddy hand that they like to hold. I hate the military today and the stupid way that we have to move around all the time. And I hate the fact that because of his job, my kids are going to be separated from their favorite hero. Arg.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Anointed
Approximately 10 minutes before I was to walk down the aisle to marry my husband, my bridesmaids presented me with 3 gifts. At the time, I thought all three gifts were perfectly useless, but accepted them graciously and prepared myself to join my husband.
Boy, was I wrong...my bridesmaids obviously knew a whole lot more than I did.
The first gift was a small frying pan....because the way to a heart is through his stomach. Yeah, it's true. It's 10 years later, and I know it to be completely true. I REALLY needed that frying pan, because little did I know on the day of my wedding, just how many meals I was going to burn as a young bride.
The second gift was a journal. My first thought that I would be too busy in my marital bliss to write in it! Wrong again! I wrote down alot of feelings of frustration and poured out my heart to God because I had no idea what I was doing half the time...halfway across the country, setting up house, new friends, new church, everything was so different!
And the third gift, well, I really need to thank my bridesmaids again and again for this one. It
was a small bottle of anointing oil. I have really used this one special little gift. Every single time we move to a new location, I pull out this special bottle, anoint my new home on the door posts, and ask for God's blessings upon our years in it. No, there is nothing magical in the oil at all. We would probably use plain old vegetable oil if I didn't have this little bottle of anointing oil. It's a symbolic declaration asking God to keep our home sacred, set apart, and dedicated to His service. To some, this may seem like a silly gesture, but to me, it's everything. I cannot bear to raise my family or run my home apart from God.
Today, I brought out the little bottle again, and anointed the door posts once more and asked for God's favor in selling our home. I am believing in faith that our house will sell, according to His will. My job is to sit back, wait, and not get in the way of His will. Easier said than done, no? But at least now, since I know that God is in this, and I have asked Him to be in this, it will be done.
And I am putting my little bottle away, to be brought out again before we step foot into our new home.
Boy, was I wrong...my bridesmaids obviously knew a whole lot more than I did.
The first gift was a small frying pan....because the way to a heart is through his stomach. Yeah, it's true. It's 10 years later, and I know it to be completely true. I REALLY needed that frying pan, because little did I know on the day of my wedding, just how many meals I was going to burn as a young bride.
The second gift was a journal. My first thought that I would be too busy in my marital bliss to write in it! Wrong again! I wrote down alot of feelings of frustration and poured out my heart to God because I had no idea what I was doing half the time...halfway across the country, setting up house, new friends, new church, everything was so different!
And the third gift, well, I really need to thank my bridesmaids again and again for this one. It
was a small bottle of anointing oil. I have really used this one special little gift. Every single time we move to a new location, I pull out this special bottle, anoint my new home on the door posts, and ask for God's blessings upon our years in it. No, there is nothing magical in the oil at all. We would probably use plain old vegetable oil if I didn't have this little bottle of anointing oil. It's a symbolic declaration asking God to keep our home sacred, set apart, and dedicated to His service. To some, this may seem like a silly gesture, but to me, it's everything. I cannot bear to raise my family or run my home apart from God.Today, I brought out the little bottle again, and anointed the door posts once more and asked for God's favor in selling our home. I am believing in faith that our house will sell, according to His will. My job is to sit back, wait, and not get in the way of His will. Easier said than done, no? But at least now, since I know that God is in this, and I have asked Him to be in this, it will be done.
And I am putting my little bottle away, to be brought out again before we step foot into our new home.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Ahhh-CHOOOOOOO!!!!!
When we left from the movie theater this morning, my husband and 2 of my 3 daughters simultaneously sneezed. It's something that I have noted every now and then....when they step outside into the bright sunlight from a dark place, they sneeze. 3 sneezes. Like clockwork. Almost very single time. This made me want to do a little investigation.
This rare phenomenon actually has a medical term, it is called Photic Sneeze Reflex.
My quirky family. Gotta love 'em!
Monday, June 16, 2008
My favorite place...
One of my favorite things about being a mom is nursing. Nursing forces any busy woman to sit down and enjoy her baby, which is personally what I think God intended. Normally the baby and I sit to feed in the kitchen, because it's really the heart of my home...right in the middle of all of the chaos that goes on during a given day.
But my most favorite place to slip away to "get away from it all" happens to be in the baby's room. She and I go in there whenever we get the chance to, just to enjoy being together. I am surrounded by all of my favorite things in there.
First of all, there is this really old and squeaky recliner. It belonged to my Great-Grandmother, whom the baby is named after. I like to imagine how she would sit and rock in that recliner, many many miles of rocking and praying. And that although she never got a chance to hold my wee little one in her arms, that somehow she is smiling down on us sitting together in that chair. To the left of that ratty recliner, I have an old table that belonged to another grandmother. She kept it in her living room. I can still remember with fondness, the hours I spent in that living room playing cards and sewing and working puzzles with her. She is smiling down on the baby and I too. I keep my favorite coffee mug, a Bible, and various other paperback books on that table, available for my reading pleasure whenever I get the chance. To the right of the chair, sunlight streams through the window into the room, just so, it makes you feel like it's sole purpose is to shine just for you.
The view from this chair is, in my opinion, what makes my favorite place the most special of all. Across the room is the doorway, and when closed (for the ultimate quiet time experience!) it reveals a veritable tapestry of drawings, each crayoned by my older children. You can barely see the door for all of the dozens of drawings! Most of the pictures are drawings of their family members...people that they love and adore.
It is here in my favorite place...on the comfy old recliner, next to a worn table, holding my sleeping baby, that I look at each of those drawings and begin to pray. I thank God for each and every person in those drawings, my family, and I ask for Him to bless them. I thank Him for blessing me beyond measure with everything that my heart has ever desired, according to His Will. I thank Him for His steadfast love, His faithfulness, and His amazing grace.
It is here in my favorite place, that I am filled with what I need to make it through the day. It is here, that I pour out my heart to God, and in it's place receive an exact measure of love in return to pour out to others. It is here that I get my inspiration to do what I do. Thank you God for my favorite place.
But my most favorite place to slip away to "get away from it all" happens to be in the baby's room. She and I go in there whenever we get the chance to, just to enjoy being together. I am surrounded by all of my favorite things in there.
First of all, there is this really old and squeaky recliner. It belonged to my Great-Grandmother, whom the baby is named after. I like to imagine how she would sit and rock in that recliner, many many miles of rocking and praying. And that although she never got a chance to hold my wee little one in her arms, that somehow she is smiling down on us sitting together in that chair. To the left of that ratty recliner, I have an old table that belonged to another grandmother. She kept it in her living room. I can still remember with fondness, the hours I spent in that living room playing cards and sewing and working puzzles with her. She is smiling down on the baby and I too. I keep my favorite coffee mug, a Bible, and various other paperback books on that table, available for my reading pleasure whenever I get the chance. To the right of the chair, sunlight streams through the window into the room, just so, it makes you feel like it's sole purpose is to shine just for you.
The view from this chair is, in my opinion, what makes my favorite place the most special of all. Across the room is the doorway, and when closed (for the ultimate quiet time experience!) it reveals a veritable tapestry of drawings, each crayoned by my older children. You can barely see the door for all of the dozens of drawings! Most of the pictures are drawings of their family members...people that they love and adore.
It is here in my favorite place...on the comfy old recliner, next to a worn table, holding my sleeping baby, that I look at each of those drawings and begin to pray. I thank God for each and every person in those drawings, my family, and I ask for Him to bless them. I thank Him for blessing me beyond measure with everything that my heart has ever desired, according to His Will. I thank Him for His steadfast love, His faithfulness, and His amazing grace.
It is here in my favorite place, that I am filled with what I need to make it through the day. It is here, that I pour out my heart to God, and in it's place receive an exact measure of love in return to pour out to others. It is here that I get my inspiration to do what I do. Thank you God for my favorite place.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Father's Day
I scored on the Father's Day Gift.
Besides the traditional cards and crayon scrawled artwork from the girls, I picked up The Muppet Show Season One
He loves it, the kids love it. And I get a few hours of peace and quiet. I love it.
I bought it because it was one of my favorite shows as a youngling (I HAD the Miss Piggy lunch box!) and the two old guys, Statler and Waldorf, remind me so much of my husband. The dry humor, the comments about what a bad show it is....yeah, he is just like them.
Besides the traditional cards and crayon scrawled artwork from the girls, I picked up The Muppet Show Season One
He loves it, the kids love it. And I get a few hours of peace and quiet. I love it.
I bought it because it was one of my favorite shows as a youngling (I HAD the Miss Piggy lunch box!) and the two old guys, Statler and Waldorf, remind me so much of my husband. The dry humor, the comments about what a bad show it is....yeah, he is just like them.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Puttin' on my big girl britches...
And I am not talking about my old maternity underwear either.
The post I made the other day was done in a moment of weakness, and we all have those I reckon. I don't know how wives in the military do it, especially the ones where husbands deploy overseas and aren't sure if the next time they see their husband it might be in a coffin with a flag draped over it. A sad picture, indeed, but hundreds of thousands of women are going through that right now, and in my moment of weakness I fell into that famous "whoa- is- me" trap again. I failed to see the bright side of the whole situation again. Everything could be a whole heck of a lot worse, and I need to remember that.
So with that being said, I am putting on my big girl britches again. No more tears. No more snottin' and blowin'. No more Miss Whiner Pants. There is a lot to do in the coming days before my husband's departure, and he and the kids need me to be good ol' dependable mommy rock that I have always been. There are some things that need to be done, of course....updating the will, getting power of attorney so I can sign all the papers when we do in fact sell this house! (Do you hear me devil? The house WILL be sold! So...HA!), buying a stack of books for my husband to read to the girls over the webcam, prep and pack his uniforms and clothing for this time, and figure out what all else he may need.
*sigh* I hate this. I really really hate this.
The post I made the other day was done in a moment of weakness, and we all have those I reckon. I don't know how wives in the military do it, especially the ones where husbands deploy overseas and aren't sure if the next time they see their husband it might be in a coffin with a flag draped over it. A sad picture, indeed, but hundreds of thousands of women are going through that right now, and in my moment of weakness I fell into that famous "whoa- is- me" trap again. I failed to see the bright side of the whole situation again. Everything could be a whole heck of a lot worse, and I need to remember that.
So with that being said, I am putting on my big girl britches again. No more tears. No more snottin' and blowin'. No more Miss Whiner Pants. There is a lot to do in the coming days before my husband's departure, and he and the kids need me to be good ol' dependable mommy rock that I have always been. There are some things that need to be done, of course....updating the will, getting power of attorney so I can sign all the papers when we do in fact sell this house! (Do you hear me devil? The house WILL be sold! So...HA!), buying a stack of books for my husband to read to the girls over the webcam, prep and pack his uniforms and clothing for this time, and figure out what all else he may need.
*sigh* I hate this. I really really hate this.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I haven't written a word on here in what seems like ages. I haven't felt motivated to share anything because there isn't much happy to share. I'm going to share very frankly what is going on in my heart, so if you are looking for a happy post, this isn't it. Keep on scrolling.
I have shed quite a number of tears this week, and most of them in private because I don't want the kids to think that something is wrong. But the truth is, the "everything is going to be okay" mask that I have kept up is crumbling. Everything is wrong. Everything is not working out according to plan...my plan anyway. My plan included my house being sold already and our happy family traveling together to our new location, picking our our new home, and finding a new church.
Instead, my husband is packing up. Alone. He will be traveling alone to Louisiana, and staying heaven knows where until our house is gone. I will be here. Alone. Instead of picking out our new little dream house together, he is shopping around for a new laptop.The discussion that occurred the morning that he bought it, he said that he would make sure that it came with a web cam so that the girls will be able to "see" him when we talk. How sad is that? I have to explain to my little girls some time in the near future that their Daddy is going away and I am not sure when we will get to see him again. I'm not sure how to do that yet. It is going to crush them. Instead of packing up boxes, I'm crunching numbers to see if we can stay afloat during these months and how much we will have left over for food and gas. It's difficult to remind myself that my God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches in Glory.
I am sad. I am confused. I am scared. And I really really don't want to be alone. God says that he will never abandon us, but it certainly feels like He doesn't care about our family staying together. I want to blame something...the economy, my husband's job, God, anything. But I guess blame isn't going to get us out of here any faster. I just want some answers....what else can I do...or say to make this mountain move? Is my faith just not big enough? My prayers not frequent enough? Are we being punished for something? Fine God, punish me...but leave the kids out of it, okay?
Alright, I think I am done dumping this huge sack of emotions for today. I am ready to resume my very fake "everything is going to be alright" mask, and pretend for the sake of the girls that everything really is going to be fine. For today, it will be fine.
I have shed quite a number of tears this week, and most of them in private because I don't want the kids to think that something is wrong. But the truth is, the "everything is going to be okay" mask that I have kept up is crumbling. Everything is wrong. Everything is not working out according to plan...my plan anyway. My plan included my house being sold already and our happy family traveling together to our new location, picking our our new home, and finding a new church.
Instead, my husband is packing up. Alone. He will be traveling alone to Louisiana, and staying heaven knows where until our house is gone. I will be here. Alone. Instead of picking out our new little dream house together, he is shopping around for a new laptop.The discussion that occurred the morning that he bought it, he said that he would make sure that it came with a web cam so that the girls will be able to "see" him when we talk. How sad is that? I have to explain to my little girls some time in the near future that their Daddy is going away and I am not sure when we will get to see him again. I'm not sure how to do that yet. It is going to crush them. Instead of packing up boxes, I'm crunching numbers to see if we can stay afloat during these months and how much we will have left over for food and gas. It's difficult to remind myself that my God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches in Glory.
I am sad. I am confused. I am scared. And I really really don't want to be alone. God says that he will never abandon us, but it certainly feels like He doesn't care about our family staying together. I want to blame something...the economy, my husband's job, God, anything. But I guess blame isn't going to get us out of here any faster. I just want some answers....what else can I do...or say to make this mountain move? Is my faith just not big enough? My prayers not frequent enough? Are we being punished for something? Fine God, punish me...but leave the kids out of it, okay?
Alright, I think I am done dumping this huge sack of emotions for today. I am ready to resume my very fake "everything is going to be alright" mask, and pretend for the sake of the girls that everything really is going to be fine. For today, it will be fine.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The Turtle Hospital Annual Sea Turtle Release Day!!!
Here are some pictures from our day. The lady with the white hair is Jean Beasley, Animal Planet's Hero of the Year for 2007 and the director of the Turtle Hospital in our area. The turtles were really excited to be going home. The kids thought that this was by far the coolest "field trip" that we have been on this whole school year. I think that they might be right. I must also add that my husband is a real trooper for putting up with my shinanigans and bright ideas for stuff to do with the kids. Who goes to the beach to stand for an hour and a half in the heat to see some turtles get release to the wild??!?!! Well, we do of course.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Rhyme or reason...
This, I hope will make you laugh. This is what I heard from the backseat of the van while driving to town this afternoon:
"Hey Mama! Guess what! I bet you didn't know that China rhymes with Vagina!"
Yeah, I knew that would make you laugh. I'm just thankful that we weren't in the middle of a restaurant or the grocery store when my oldest child made this amazing discovery.
"Hey Mama! Guess what! I bet you didn't know that China rhymes with Vagina!"
Yeah, I knew that would make you laugh. I'm just thankful that we weren't in the middle of a restaurant or the grocery store when my oldest child made this amazing discovery.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Oy.....more construction!
I must apologize. And apologize again. I am messing around with this blog, and changing stuff over and over again. Major construction going on. I am sorry.
I would rather be moving furniture in a new house in Louisiana, but I can't because I am trapped here in North Carolina like a rat.
So I am taking out my frustrations on my blog. Plain and simple. All of you reading here have to deal with the fact that my blog may be a different color and different fonts and styles every single day until our house gets sold. Today, you get brown. Tomorrow I may get restless and change it to purple. I don't know.
But I am sorry.
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